Firstly, let me say thankyou so very much to everyone who commented on this post about Busy and her sleep situation. I was quite overwelmed by the respose ( in a good way) and I just couldn't believe the amazing resource this blog became... I know I could have done a google search about sleep and toddlers but there would be soooo much crapola to wade through... I think I replied to everyone who wrote and I really appreciate that many of you took the time to actually write down some really long comments- and some of you even offered to lend me books - you guys are just to great.... it warmed my cockles it did, and for that I say Thankyou Very Muchly.
But the solution was very simple. We have cut out the day sleep. It has actually been OK. She has not been nearly as cranky as she has other times when she hasn't slept and she may be a little bit more emotional but it's really not bad at all. We just have to get her doing something she likes... There may still be times where she has a sleep in the afternoon and that will mean she will be up late- but if its not EVERY night then it doesn't bother us. If she does have a sleep in the afternoon then we are not even going to try to put her to sleep until 9pm.
Basically what I have come to realise is she has a 12 hour clock. She needs to sleep for 12 hours in every 24hours. And really we can't fight that. I can't make her sleep longer. I don't want the stress of trying. She will either sleep 2 hours during the day and 10 hours overnight or 12 hours overnight. It really is quite simple. It is her rythym. We aren't laying down with her anymore, just sitting on the bed, thats helping, but because she now goes to sleep in about 15 mins- after stories and cuddles and all that stuff -its all good.